So I was thinking how could I make this bottomless pit of chaos we call life a better place, and I decided I should share my sentiment and sarcasm with the world (not that it would nessasarily improve things much but hey, I'm really bored) So here it is: my words of wisdom (and lack thereof) as well as some insight I may have gathered along the way.

Eclectic Eccentricity

(the source for all things relevant)

Why are we the way we are? And why do we care?

Introspection into Society, Life, and the Mind

(Please excuse the mess, this page is still under construction and stuff in this section that is not actually a link is in the research and development phase , so come back someday, and maybe there'll be something to read)

What's this Life For?

Melodramatic Mediocrity (the cancer of the mediocre)

Only Stupid People Are Breeding

I Don't Got No Reasons

Stuck in a Dream (surrounded by colored leaves on the ground?)

Stuff that Kicks/Stuff that Sucks

The Media (ugh)

Quotes

We have "Issues"

Give Peace a Chance, Stop the War on Drugs

ACLU

The Class of 2000 can't count

Poetry

Some of My Poems (coming soon) (to a theater near you)

e.e. cummings

love is a place
& through this place of
love move
(with brightness of peace)
all places  
yes is a world
& in this world of
yes live
(skillfully curled)
all worlds

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Refrigerated Poetry

Muzak

Ultimate Band List

Our Lady Peace

Pearl Jam

Finger Eleven (a very cool, virtually unheard of band)(at least, that's what I hear)

Online Guitar Tabs

Television

Rarely do I bother watching quality tv, but I make an exception for a few select shows. Daria on MTV, the Simpsons on Fox, and the occasional Dr. Katz: Professional Therapist on Comedy Central. These are probably the only intelligent shows on tv, and *surprise* none of them star real people.

Anecdote of the Day (updated semi-annually)

Just in time for spring finals, here's some great ideas to fill those boreing hours during a test you know you'll fail. Don't worry, its happened to all of us before, so have fun with it!

• Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
• On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
• Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
• Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
• Bring things to throw at the instructor when she's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
• As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
• Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
• Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
• Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw this!" and walk out triumphantly.
• Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
• If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
• Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
• Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
• Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
• Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
• Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
• Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
• Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
• If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
• Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
• Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
• Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
• When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
• Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".
• Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks"
• Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he\she did it
• Write a short story about your childhood, or an experience that you once had. If you can't think of anything, make something up. Be creative. End the story with "I just thought I should tell you."
• Wear a mask or costume, pretend that you really DO think that you're someone else.
• Make several origami animals out of the test papers. Re-enact scenes from your favorite soap opera with them.
• In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.
• Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.
• Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E...."

Other Links

Calvin, the smug six year old of the dynamic duo Calvin & Hobbes, smokin' it up and contemplating the origins of the universe; just like us. Calvin & Hobbes are true geniuses in the world of funny papers. Experience their insights by clicking right here and going to one of many Calvin & Hobbes websites.

Did the movie Conspiracy Theory hit a little to close to home? Confirm your suspicions at or try to find out who really IS following you at Paranoia.com.